Fire!

I’m walking home one cold evening....its dark, my feet ache, and I’m frozen to the marrow. The glow from the the sitting room window looks so inviting.
Once inside the door I make a dash for that room....still wearing gloves and coat, as I’m too cold to ‘cast any clouts’ quite yet. I look forward to warming the old derrière....back to the open fireplace....mmmm.....lovely.

Now I am well familiar with that strange division of labour that occurs at barbecues....gender roles and all that. I’m now firmly of the belief that it extends to the indoor grate as well?

Indeed, it was very thoughtful of him to light the fire for me...but picture this. There in the centre of the large grate is a little pyramid of black.....stacked so neatly that it reminds me of a Ferrero Rocher advert. I want to laugh...it looks so comical....but I dare not.

I’m still shivering as I cast him an accusing look, inferring that it’s his fault that I am still cryogenically preserved. At the same moment I make a grab for the coal tongs but I’m intercepted.....they are snatched from my hands.

”The fire is perfectly OK so leave it alone”. “It always goes out when you start fiddling with it” says he.

“Goes out?”....“goes out?” I reply in a high pitched and quivering voice (no doubt due to the affects of cold on the vocal cords).....

....”who would ever notice if it did?”!!!!

At this point the primeval instincts kick in and Homo Habilis squats protectively in front of the fire and won’t let me have a look in. He starts poking around, and I’d swear pretending to add coal! All conversation dies, and I go for a bath to warm up.
Now I know we are supposed to conserve our dwindling natural resources.....but this is ridiculous.

Many years ago I was involved in some research into the possible uses of large tanks found on prehistoric sites...possibly designed to hold liquids ...... well I think I know the answer now!

The womenfolk had worked out how to keep warm when the man of the ‘house’ wouldn’t throw another turf on the fire. They’d start their own outside, throw a few heated rocks in and have a good old soak!!